Haven’t written much recently – couldn’t really think of anything to write about. But I made a comment on twitter about being 45 and organising my retirement.
Got me to thinking! Whilst I still can that is – but that’s perhaps another blog.
I’ve been to a couple of presentations over the years at conferences that refer to the “ageing anaesthetist.” Of course at the time, whilst interesting, it wasn’t me.
But if there’s one thing about a mid life crisis it’s that inexorable feeling of time moving on. I’m more than halfway through my life statistically. More behind than in front. Really somewhat confronting. And then there are friends or friends of friends who get sick or worse, die well before their time. Again statistically more likely to happen as you get older I guess.
In 2019 I took a month off and went to France for a month. We cycled and gawked at Les Alpes and ate cheese and one point had to readjust out attitude as we all got out of bed at midday. Three days in a row…
But my prevailing thought at the end of it all was that I could happily do this forever. I had no real desire to return to work. I know, I know there’s that old chestnut about “if I won the lottery” I’d carry on working (just be incredibly smug about it). But the truth is I wouldn’t. I’d retire immediately and donate my time to charitable organisations.
Of course that’s the nub isn’t it. Financial freedom. Currently we’re up to our eyeballs in debt in an effort to front load our pensions. But as has been pointed out I might kark it tomorrow. Seems a shame to go to all that effort, pay all that interest and not see the benefits of it.
Of course I’m likely to go first so it’s not just about me. My wife (long suffering and well deserving) will do very well when I shuffle off this mortal coil. And if we both go then the kids will be laughing also.
Which leaves me torn between being sensible and paying down debts as fast as possible and pissing a good chunk up the wall. (I note there’s a new Lotus coming out next year…)
And then there’s professionally. The worst thing I can think of is being older and irrelevant. One of those anaesthetists who’s done the same thing for years and is widely regarded as very “experienced.” But I also have no desire to be up all night at 55-60 and being completely buggered for days after. Not good for me or my patients I suspect.
As one of my very good friend says “you must always have an exit strategy” – well that’s an interesting one in medicine isn’t it? Clinical anaesthesia as you get older needs to be more and more routine. Those baked in, muscle memory anaesthetics become more rigid with time. As you age your ability to cope with unexpected and new situations degrades. But there’s no effort in the medical system to accomodate that. Where I worked in NZ would tacitly allow you to come off the on call roster at 55 (iirc) no sign of that here. Might have to work on that though…
So I’ll be very experienced but with potentially degrading skills. My presbyopia is a pain in the arse now, I’ve only got cataracts to look forward to.
But I think I might have a plan. That of the perioperative physician. I’ll have lots of experience and maybe I’ll have time. Time to go and speak to the patient and their family, to the surgeon and the intensivist. That two hour conversation that’s so hard to have in our busy system. That two hour conversation that is literally life and death. 9-5 I’ll plough through pre-op patients and then, when needed, which will become more and more frequent as we all age, go and see you…
I’m also going to exercise or move and have a dog and move. I’m going to find some friends and make real effort to have them as my friends when I leave work. Because when you leave work you’ll be a footnote moments later. It’ll define you and then it won’t. And you have to plan for that. If you want to stay happy in retirement you’ll need your people, then more than ever…